Tips on how to overcome the 12 most common fears
. . . and dare to follow your dream
Unless your dream is to climb Mount Everest, it will most likely not kill you. But that doesn't really matter, does it? It scares the crap out of you anyway.
These fears are often also called limiting beliefs, but independently of what they are called, they all have the same impact on us. They hold us back. Whereas I would suggest that we rename them and call them challenges instead.
I don't just say that to add another word into the pot to make it even more confusing. I prefer calling them challenges because I think it sounds so much less scary than fears and limiting beliefs.
It’s anyways all in our heads so, if we start there, telling ourselves that it’s not something to be afraid of, or that limits us, but that it's rather a challenge, then I'm confident that it will be so much easier to overcome it. Who isn't up for a challenge?!
“It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that things are difficult”
When you start to think about what it is that's truly holding you back from pursuing your dream, you will see that there isn't only one challenge, you have many. I would even say that it's also dependent on the situation, or at which stage of your change that you’re in.
By being able to anticipate, and eliminate these challenges, you will be able to take action and create opportunities that will lead you towards the life you want to live. However, in order to increase the probability of achieving what it is you want, you need to change your beliefs and actions.
Everyone worries about something.
About becoming ill.
About the future.
About money.
About failing.
About the impact that our decisions have on others.
And worry eats our energy and it definitely takes a big bite out of our courage.
When we talk about those worries, bring them out in the light, they diminish.
Think about a nightmare. If you have them. I know that many adults don’t – but I do. I can wake up in the middle of the night, my heart is racing and I’m almost freaking out. In the morning, in bright daylight, that horrible dream is just a dream and it doesn’t scare me.
Exactly that is my proposal. Bring out your challenges into the daylight and you'll see that they will become smaller and easier to handle.
In this blog post, I'll therefore list the most common ones, and what to do about them.
1. I don’t even know where to start
Kicking-off a change and take the very first step towards achieving your dream is THE hardest part. But. You know what? By searching for information, reading this blog post, you’ve actually already taken a very important step already. You're educating yourself on what to do, seeking inspiration from others that have done it before you.
If you feel lost. Start by taking small steps. You don't need to take any huge leaps. Small steps make a big step eventually. When you do you'll see that new paths open up. Maybe you don’t even realize it while walking. In some cases you'll also only realize it afterwards, when reflecting on the path you've taken already.
It’s like me with the coaching. I had no intention of becoming a coach when I signed up for that education. Maybe it sounds strange, but my intention then was to fill my backpack with useful knowledge. Knowledge that I could use independently of where my path would take me later on.
Sometimes we’re afraid to even start, because what if that’s not what we truly want.
Well. Did I know it was the right thing when I resigned from my job? Definitely not.
Was I scared. Oh yes.
Have I regretted it. No. Not one single time.
I don’t mean that you have to resign – absolutely not – I’m just saying that you will never know beforehand whether a decision is right to a 100%.
What I have learnt though, not only from this last time, but based on all my prior life-changing decisions such as moving abroad or taking on a new role, is to trust your gut feeling. Your stomach knows so much more than you do – so listen to it.
2. There is no room for me
If you have thoughts in line with - "There are so many others who have tried what I’m dreaming of already, so why should I succeed. The market is anyways saturated." - you're definitely not the only one.
Firstly, it only means that there is a lot of inspiration out there. Listen to those who have paved the path for you. Read and learn what they're sharing. and then you make up your own opinion about the topic or what it is that you want to achieve. You will anyways have a different style and approach compared to others. You are unique.
If they can do it, so can you.
Secondly, it’s much easier to provide something when there is already a demand for it. If you would create something from scratch, which is currently unknown, you would first have to create a demand for it. People would be unaware of that they need your fantastic product or service.
Okay, so there are of course examples where this has worked brilliantly, like Facebook for example. But you can go there later on. Instead of letting that hold you back – take small steps here too. There is no need to reinvent the wheel.
3. I don’t have the skills
Everyone, like really everyone, starts as a beginner. Even brain surgeons, rocket scientists, actors, authors… you name it. They were all beginners once.
I’m also convinced that if you’re passionate about something that will shine through.
I totally agree, that if you would pursue something that you don’t really like doing yourself, and you’re not already an expert in it – then you should probably leave it. BUT, if you are passionate about it – then there is nothing that can stop you from being successful.
Think about where you were 2 years ago? You have learnt so much these past 2 years, some things even without an effort.
Before I left the Bank I created and delivered a training to over 700 people, over a topic that I wasn’t particularly passionate about or even interested in. And I got really good feedback.
The things I learnt while creating that training is something I take with me. I didn’t even think about it at the time. It was just something I had to do. It showed me that I'm quite a decent trainer, and got me thinking. Imagine the impact I can do if I share information about something that I’m really passionate about.
4. The imposter syndrome
The imposter syndrome is something that most of us experience every now and then.
It’s where we feel unworthy, or that we shouldn’t have a place at the table – and we ask ourselves when the others will find out that we actually have no clue about what we’re doing.
Does it help knowing that others feel it too? I think so.
I must also say that by doing something that I really love doing, I feel less like an imposter. I love to do research, and listen daily to others who inspire me. I also love taking courses that helps boosting my self-confidence.
You can start by writing down five to ten things which shows that you are in fact knowledgeable. Telling yourself that you know this – and what you don’t know you will learn.
5. I don’t have time
This is, in my view, neither a challenge, a fear nor a limiting belief this is an excuse, and also the most common excuse for not committing to our goals.
The truth is
according to Parkinson’s law – work expands to the time that it is given. I’m a perfect example of that.
Over ten months ago I bought an online course, to create an online course… and I probably used all these excuses and some more to not really put myself out there.
Then before Christmas, I got the invitation to sign up for a kick-start program. The course promise was that if I follow the instructions I would have my online course. The instructions were clear and within five weeks I kicked off my very first online course. What had previously taken more than ten months – was redesigned and kicked off in less than five weeks…
Until you know what makes your goal important you will not prioritize it.
Life comes in between. We have jobs, and some have children and time is precious, so we need to prioritize. Is there a way where you can make more time? Do you spend time on something that you could actually cut down on, maybe social media…, or Netflix…
6. I’m too old
I guess there are things that we can’t do once we hit a certain age – like singing in a children’s choir for example. But most other things we can do!
Our cells renew every 7 years, some of them even faster than that, so why shouldn’t we too?
When I was young I told my grandmother that I wanted to inherit her big bed with a built in radio. Well. Independently thereof that we don’t need radios like that any longer, my taste in interior design has definitely changed since then.
Just because we chose a profession, or a path when we were in our 20-ies, or in some cases even earlier, doesn’t mean that we have to stick to that forever.
You know what? Time will pass anyway. You will be exactly the same age in 2 years time, even if you don’t pursue your goal or your dream. If you need more reasons for why you're never to old for change, I suggest you head over to my blog post covering exactly that.
7. I don't have the money
This is one of the most common challenges we all have. If I would get a dollar for every time someone tells me that "Hah, I wouldn't be able to live on my dream!" I wouldn’t have to worry about money at all.
But isn’t this also part of why you're reading this blog post? That you don’t want to be so dependent on money. Be it to live free, decide over what you do when, maybe you'll have a reduced life-style, but you’re free. To do what YOU want to do.
To wake up every morning with a huge smile on your face.
As with all these challenges you will be able to overcome it if you make it known.
While winning the lottery would help in resolving this issue, the likelihood of it happening is so remote that you need to find other actions that can help you overcome this fear.
8. Fear of failure
Fear of failure makes us freeze and prevents us from taking action. It is the number one most common fear holding us back from daring to follow our dreams and become successful in something we're truly passionate about. Which is quite odd if you think about it.
That was actually one of my main drivers when daring to take my very first step. I was successful in a profession that had nothing to do with my passions. How successful can I then become in doing something I truly love?
But, it still takes courage to change paths. Especially mid-life. We are so adjusted and don't want to stick out, whereas other peoples expectations and what we believe they might think is something that holds many of us back.
We also carry with us a lot of old baggage. Maybe we’ve heard things that have put us down, which gives us low self-esteem and confidence.
Or when you tell others that you want to change, you want them to celebrate your decision. Often the reply you receive is the contrary though. Instead of congratulating you, they will ask how the heck you can give up a secure job and salary for an insecure future. When they do, bear in mind that they don't think about you. They think about themselves and base their thoughts and opinions on their own experiences and fears.
What you need to do here is hard. But it’s important. You need to stop listening to them. You need to seek new friends and supporters.
People who are in a similar situation as you are. With whom you can talk about your fears, and disappointments, when for example you don’t get the support from someone that you expected. It helps airing those thoughts with someone who understands.
Just to make sure we're on the same page here - there is no such thing as failure unless you give up. There are only results and pilots. You will fail, and you will learn. When you start thinking about it like that, it becomes easier to overcome.
9. My goal impact others
Many have asked me how to deal with the challenge when pursuing a dream doesn't only impact oneself, but also the family.
As a mother, most of my decisions don’t only impact myself, but also my family. But to me it is also one of the main drivers. Because I didn’t like who I had become in the corporate world. I was often stressed, which resulted in me being angry. I yelled at my children. Often. And even more often at my husband.
I work more hours now than I did before, but the difference is that I’m doing it on my own terms. I also want to show my children that anything is possible. That we can do and achieve anything we want.
Doing what you love gives you extra motivation to meet your goals. No one will have to cheer you on. You will do your best work anyway because it’s fun. Which results in that you'll be in a better mood. Your family, friends and colleagues will thank you for it.
10. It’s not yet perfect
We perceive things differently. What’s imperfect to you, might seem perfect to me. Or the other way around, and that’s okay.
It was also the thought of having to deliver a perfect online course that held me back from publishing it in the first place.
I didn’t have the right setting.
I didn’t know the tools sufficiently.
What if the structure didn't make any sense, or there were important sections missing?
What if the students didn't like it...
But done is better than perfect. Because if you wait for perfection, it will never happen.
And to be honest, there is no such thing as being perfect anyway.
11. I can’t sell
This is probably worth a whole blog post in itself – and yes, I know there are also many great courses about how to sell. But before signing up for such a course I think there is one really important thing you need to realize.
Believe in yourself and your product or service. Because if you do, you'll realize that it actually helps people, and by not selling to them, you would make them a disservice.
You’re not trying to sell them a second vacuum cleaner that they don’t need – unless that’s your product of course.
But even then – if you believe it will help them, then you will also be able to talk for and sell it.
12. I can’t impact external factors
What external factors are you afraid of? As with all these fears, you need to give them a name.
A client of mine was afraid of her parents becoming ill, which held her back from pursuing her dream to move to another country.
When I asked about her parent’s situation today she replied that they are young and healthy. Not only that, they even support her in making her dreams come true. Still, her fear of something that could happen, something that is out of her control, held her back.
Look at that fear of yours – can you do something about it? Is there anything that you can do? If not, you shouldn’t worry about it. You need to let it go.
If we have learnt anything from Covid it is that change can happen without us being able to impact it. We have to adjust, or in some cases just wait it out.
How to overcome our fears
to deal with those challenges
Fear is hard-wired into every human being. Nothing you do can take away fear. However, there is a way to deal with it. Make it smaller. The secret is to make it tangible, put it out in the light and face it. Don’t let the fear hold you back.
What’s the worst thing that can happen? Like really. The very worst thing that could happen.
With that in focus, and also based on how you know yourself, I suggest you write down all the challenges that you can foresee. The second step would be to define actions of how you can overcome them. One by one. What do YOU need to be able to face them?
This will make challenges out of your fears, and you will have an action plan on how to deal with them. Instead of having that huge, scary mountain to climb, you'll see that they will become road bumps instead. It will be much easier to deal with them that way. Combined these small steps and actions will form a big step.
Don’t freak out if you can’t come up with an action immediately. Then just continue to the next challenge – or leave it for a while.
Good luck. Now, go ahead and bring them out into the light. Be the creator of your life and decide to live life on your own terms.
