How to find out what's important to you

Including 5 important factors that will help you figure it out

When pursuing a dream or goal it is important that you know what makes it important to you, because that's your motivation. However, I also think it's equally important to know your corporate culture values because when you know them, it will be easier to make decisions and define actions that are true to yourself.

True to how you want to act and live.

True to how you will make that dream of yours come true.

Swimming gives me immense satisfaction.

I think this quote is brilliant. Not necessarily extremely wise or witty, but it shows that what's important to us, and makes us satisfied is very subjective. I for example don’t like to swim at all. Especially not in open waters. Lara Dutta on the other hand, not a swimmer but an Indian actress, says it gives her immense satisfaction.

When I came across the SCARF model by Dr. David Rock it became clear to me why I had felt in a certain way in my previous teams or roles. I was also able to categorize my decisions, which I had previously just assigned to my gut feeling. Trusting your gut feeling is in itself not bad, on the contrary, we should do that more often. But sometimes it feels good to have a more tangible explanation as to why we react in a certain way.

I finally understood the reasons for the "itches" that I had felt in all my prior roles, which resulted in me being dissatisfied, and eventually taking the decision to resign from those roles. The model also helped me in defining what’s important to me.

The model is rather applicable to your professional life - it mainly focuses on how you feel about your role in a group, in comparison to others. But I think it also creates thoughts about the values that are important to you in general. Personally as well as professionally.

The SCARF model was developed by Dr. David Rock in 2008 and consists of the factors Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness & Fairness.

The thought behind these factors is that our sense of well-being is rooted in how our brain works. The fact that our brain checks our surroundings for threats every 4 seconds.

Yes. Every 4 seconds.

Your brain's base mode is to protect you from being hurt. All the time. So it's not so strange if you're completely drained after an intense meeting, or hesitate in taking a scary step even though your gut tells you it's the right step to take. Your brain still shouts loud and clear "THREAT! Don't go down that route! You should take a step back!".

If you continue reading, I'll go through all of the five SCARF factors - the way that I interpret them.

1. Status

Evolutionary, a high status in the group was directly linked to survival. It meant a safe place in the group. Therefore, your brain interprets anything that could risk lowering your status in a group as a threat.

Examples of things that your brain interprets as a threat to your status are:

• A colleague who questions what you say at a meeting, in front of everyone else.

• People starting to check their mobile phones when you speak at a meeting.

• The boss criticizes you in front of others.

• Your team received a lower salary pot than other teams in the company.

• You’re ignored by others at a party, or your neighbors.

In my view, status doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a high-status job, like being a CEO or a senior executive at a company, but rather that when people ask you about what you do – that you proudly and passionately can tell them about it. Because if you’re not proud, then you subconsciously allow others to look down on you, and what you do.

But it also goes the other way around – how you treat others. If you want to contribute to raising someone else's status, you can treat the person respectfully regardless of age and experience, show a clear presence with your whole body language, listen actively and show interest. Giving positive and genuine feedback, preferably in front of others, also increases a person's "status" - and it makes yourself feel good too.

2. Certainty

This factor isn't connected to being able to foresee the future, but more about the fact that your brain is constantly looking for patterns. Things and actions it knows and has tested before are less scary and feel safer.

When we were cave women and men this coding was crucial to our survival. We needed to know our surroundings, the procedures, and our place in the group. We had to be certain that we would spot the saber-toothed tiger, or the threatening thunderclouds, in time to bring ourselves and our clan into safety.

Examples of things that might make you feel uncertain are:

• You are told that there will be a reorganization, but you do not know how this might affect you.

• A new way of working, or a new IT system is underway, and you are unsure of whether you'll be able to master it.

• The email you got from your boss was unusually factual – is it because she doesn’t think you are doing a good job?

• The SMS you got from your friend was extremely short – not long and chirpy as usual. Is she angry with you?

• Your partner was unusually grumpy this morning.

• You are waiting for a message and hear nothing.

In all these instances your brain tries to interpret the unsaid or unwritten and is fantasizing in a negative direction.

Uncertainty, like kicking-off a change, or pursuing a goal or a dream, is extremely scary. You know what you have, but not what you'll get.

A way to create more certainty is to identify the challenges that hold you back, those your brain might consider being threats – get to know them and find solutions and actions on how to deal with them.

If you want to contribute to improving the certainty level of others – focus on open and direct communication, share information and also what your expectations are. Even if you don’t have all the answers yet, it’s better to say what you know already, and to make it clear to the ones affected by when you'll provide them with more information.

3. Autonomy

When you feel helpless, not in charge, or cannot influence a situation yourself, you might feel threatened. It prevents you from quickly saving yourself, if needed.

I had a role once, where my boss wanted to have daily catch-up meetings with me. It felt as if he was controlling me and whether I had completed the tasks on time. Not to speak of that I thought it was a complete waste of both of our time, as we discussed the same topics every day. I was neither in control of when to complete my tasks, nor over my time.

Examples of things that might trigger your autonomy feeling threatened are:

• The company introduces controlling working methods.

• As in my example, when the manager controls your work in detail and wants to keep track of everything (micro management).

• Someone claims to know what you need and how to perform a certain task (without asking whether you want the advice or not).

• You receive information about a decision that was taken, and even though it impacts you, no-one asked for your opinion.

However, not everyone appreciates complete autonomy or lea-way. To some it can create stress and uncertainty – remember the swimming quote – we all have subjective levels of what these factors mean to us and what it is that we need.

4. Relatedness

To feel good, we need to experience that we belong, that we can trust others. It makes us feel calm and secure.

We experience threats when we feel as if we're not included in the group or when we feel that who we are is not appreciated. Which is also something that we carry with us from the stone age. If you were excluded from the clan you would die.

Examples of things that might threaten your relatedness are:

• Other colleagues left for lunch without asking if you wanted to come along.

• Your colleagues or acquaintances have internal jokes that you don’t understand.

• Colleagues that only says good morning to some, and not all.

• Whether the company you work in, or the friends that you have, share the same values that you do.

I’ve experienced a department that had an “inner circle of trust” – and I wasn’t in it. It would probably have felt better if I were in it, that would have made me feel exclusive. But I also doubt that it would have felt truly right and secure to be honest. Because then I would have wondered if I could fall out of that inner circle, which is connected to the 2. certainty factor.

If you want to contribute to relatedness, think of such everyday things as how you greet others. What do you radiate - a friendly, or a grumpy face? Do you have time for small talk, or is it always business?

5. Fairness

Evolutionary, fairness benefited us as it's a way for a group to keep its balance. A fair community creates a stronger society over time.

Even small things, that might be perceived as unfair, can create a big reaction.

In my role as the Chief of Staff my team was responsible for ordering chocolate Easter bunnies for all employees. 200 Easter bunnies from one of the best chocolatiers in Switzerland. They come in different sizes, and the budget was set for the mid-size ones.

One manager, who headed a team of 30, wanted to show his team members his appreciation. So, in addition to this mid-size Easter bunny that all of the 200 employees got, including his team, he also ordered the large Easter bunnies for his own team members.

The day when the Easter bunnies were distributed and put on the employee’s desks, 170 employees got mid-sized bunnies only, and 30 employees from the same department got mid-sized AND large-sized bunnies.

I guess you can imagine. This was in theory a nice gesture, BUT, the rest of the 170 team members didn’t feel as if they were treated fairly.

Another example might be that a co-worker, or a senior member of the staff, gets away with different working methods compared to the rest of the employees.

If you think about it it’s actually quite simple. To keep a high level of fairness, rules, or gestures, should be equally applied to everyone.

If you're a manager or leader, be aware of how you meet and treat others. The "tone from the top" is important, as leadership behaviors always "speak louder" due to structural power. Think of the Easter bunnies, but also the "inner circle of trust" example that I wrote about in 4. relatedness.

These SCARF factors aren’t always equally important to us. It depends on the situation, and we also weigh them differently. What's important to you, might not be equally important to me. It might also change over time.

If I look back at my prior roles, there was always one factor, and often more than one of them, which had a direct impact on whether a team or a role felt right to me.

As I didn’t know the model then, I couldn’t really pinpoint what it was. But now, in hindsight, I'm able to map situations, leadership styles, and company culture to these factors.

The model has helped me in defining my values, and what it is that is important to me. What I need to feel satisfied. Not only in my professional life, but also in my personal life.

By the way, if you’re interested in hearing Dr. David Rock talking about his model click this link and it will take you to his Youtube video.