How to dare to follow your dream
8 tips that will crush that fear of failure
You know that dream you have? The one you so dearly want to pursue but there is always at least one very good reason why you don’t.
Now is not a good time, and you anyways don’t have the time for it. You can’t afford it. What if you fail? What will others think when you do something completely different. What will your mom say? You don’t have sufficient knowledge in that particular area. You don’t have the resources, network, guts…
There are many reasons why you shouldn’t follow your dreams.
There are also many good reasons why you should, but essentially it comes down to one reason that really counts.
You deserve for your dream to come true.
It’s quite simple actually if we think about it.
Nevertheless, I absolutely understand that you still have doubts and don’t know what to do, whereas I, who have been in exactly your position, put together a text on what you can do about those doubts that swirr in your head all the time. You know the thoughts who make you small, keep you where you don’t belong and make you doubt whether your dream will ever be fulfilled.
1. Seek inspiration
I’m sorry to break this to you, but you are not as special as you may think. You are not the first one who has had a dream but haven’t dared to follow it. But that is a good thing! Because there are several examples of others who have been exactly where you are now, that dared to take that scary leap and start pursuing their dream.
It’s like when you want to become pregnant, the only thing you see is other pregnant women. Or when you’re heartbroken, and you only see couples making out in each and every corner.
Open your eyes and ears, you will find so many examples of other really inspirational people who have been where you are now and done exactly that what you are dreaming of. You will find them in social media, YouTube, Podcasts and listen to this crazy thing, also in real life.
Does that mean that the market is saturated? No, it doesn’t. It means that you have a completely new community to reach out to. Which leads me into the next category.
2. Extend your network
Connect with others. Talk and listen to them. They probably also have a dream that you didn’t know of.
For years I worked with a young woman. She was really dedicated to her job, but just like me, she decided to leave the corporate world. We resigned at the same time. What I didn’t know when we worked together was that we carried the same dream. We both wanted to write, but neither one of us said anything about this at work, and we met every single day.
When you resign, the first thing people ask is where you’re going. What the name of your next employer is. When I told them the reason why I resigned, almost each and every one of them said they thought I was really brave and that they also have a dream they wanted to pursue. Remember the reasons above that are holding you back? Your friends and colleagues know them too. They may not have exactly the same reason that you have why they don’t follow their hearts, but I’m sure that they will tick some of the same boxes that you do.
What I mean is, why not share your dreams with people earlier. Let them know the real you.
The young woman and I, we are now writing buddies. We’re closer than before and meet regularly to share our successes, struggles and fears when it comes to writing.
3. Become brave again
Luckily, courage is not an “either you have it or you don’t”. Developing courage is like building muscle, it needs to be maintained and trained. You wouldn’t run a marathon without prior training or expect to get well trained abs by doing ten sit-ups every five years.
Taking small steps outside of your comfort zone won’t kill you. What it does is that it extends the circle, your comfort zone gets bigger. You don’t lose any, you only gain comfort. It can be small things like asking someone out for a coffee (or a zoom coffee) that you don’t know. What seems like really small steps may lead to new ideas and steps that you will take.
4. Crush that fear of failure
Our brain has not developed in the speed of today’s technological possibilities. It still believes it’s inside a cave woman. It is designed to protect you from harm. It sees lions and threat in each and every corner. It even scans your surroundings 5 times / second to confirm that there is not a threat anywhere near you. It is overprotective and wants to keep you from doing things that scares you.
When you’re feeling anxious, doubt yourself and are afraid you need to give the cave woman a break. The best way of doing this is to take deep breaths. Not really difficult if we’re honest, but first we need to realize that the cave woman is actually going bezerk and we need to calm her down.
Breath in – count to six
Keep the breath in your chest – count to two
Breath out – count to seven
6 – 2 – 7
Repeat five times.
If she’s still jittery, tell her out loud she needs to calm down. You can also try to do your favorite power pose, that should make her realize that there is no danger and that you can handle this yourself.
Don’t judge yourself for not being perfect. Nobody is. This means that you shouldn’t hold yourself to impossibly high standards. Don’t compare yourself to others and stop fretting over that mistake you made. Near perfection can anyways only be achieved through action and iteration. Therefore, look at your attempts as pilots, and not failures.
Everyone starts from the beginning. Always. Even Anders Hansen (psychiatrist, doctor and author – a rock star within science), Oprah Winfrey (American talk show host, television producer, actress, author, and philanthropist), and Meryl Streep (academy award winning actor). They have all started small.
If you never start, you will also not improve. We all learn from our mistakes and done is definitely better than perfect.
Fear is created and destroyed at the same place. Your mind.
5. Disregard what other people may (or may not) expect
Remember that little child that was you? The one who wanted to be a doctor, an artist, a firefighter, an author or. . . What happened to her?
I know what happened to me. There were of course several things that made me put my aspirations aside and choose a “safe” career instead, but if I’m honest it all goes down to what I believed that others expected of me. It was never discussed, it was what I interpreted as their expectations.
You think you have to live up to the expectations of your parents, grandparents, friends, colleagues and family.
Even my (at the time) seven-year old got really annoyed when I told him that I had resigned.
“Now you’re not a manager at the bank any longer.” he said.
Not that I used to brag about being a bank executive at home, his disappointment was more connected to the fact that he wouldn’t be able to visit me at work as his older brother had done.
We need to be strong and disregard what others may or may not think of us. Some days it’s easier than others. Giving up the old you, even though it may not have been the real you is a process and it hurts.
6. Break out of the golden cage of regular income
How many times haven’t wee all heard “I cant live off my dream.”
To be honest very few can. But isn’t it even more sad if we don’t even try fulfilling that dream of ours?
It is extremely hard to get out of that golden cage of regular income. I know. I’ve been there too. It took years, therapy, lots of anger and a very loud and clear wake-up call that made me realize that I most likely won’t live to be a hundred that made me break out of it. You know what?
You don’t need to start big and with a bang. You can start small too. Every little step counts that takes you closer to your dream.
7. Prioritize your dream
According to Parkinson’s law, work expands to the time it is given. This means that we use up the time that we are given, or have projected.
If you give yourself two weeks to clean out that closet of yours, you most likely won’t be finished until the end of those two weeks.
Until I set myself an end-date for completing the first draft of my novel, my writing didn’t really progress. I could have finished it earlier, but according to my plan, I still had an additional two weeks to go. So, the last two weeks I did everything else but write. I finished the draft according to my deadline.
Time is all about priorities. You need to make your dream a priority. If you really don’t have time. Be creative and see how you can free up some. Can you get up one hour earlier in the morning? There was a time when I stood up at five every morning. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone, but we’re all different. If you have small children, can you do babysitting swaps with a friend? If you have a partner, how can you support each other?
People won’t be able to read your mind, so you need to talk to them about your priorities.
8. Believe in yourself and your dream
The most important part of it all that goes hand in hand with all of the above is that you believe in yourself and your dream.
I know I said in the beginning that you are not special, but did you know that you are extraordinary, we all are.
No-one is like you. None.
Not even if you’re a twin. There is only one of you, and only you can achieve that dream of yours.
There will never be the perfect timing. Every dream deserves to become true. Independently of how big or small they may seem.
