How to be more courageous

10 easy actions to kick-start the braver you

We feel safe when we know or expect to be able to foresee what’s going to happen in certain situations. When we know the people around us and how they behave. We feel at ease when we know our surroundings and we get to eat what we usually do. This is all part of the well-known comfort zone.

You may be content where you are now, which is absolutely fine! But if you aren’t, if you do want to change something in your life, be it your job, the relationship you’re in, or just your habits, you need to take action. To take a step, even a tiny step, out of your comfort zone takes courage.

Courageous people believe in themselves. They act in line with their beliefs and wishes. They have strong values, recognize their personal capabilities, and are confident in meeting the challenges that lie ahead of them.

But not all of us feel that courageous, and yet, we also want to take action.

Luckily, courage is not an “either you have it or you don’t”. Developing courage is like building muscle, it needs to be maintained and trained. You wouldn’t run a marathon without prior training, or expect to get well trained abs by doing ten sit-ups every five years. Even though I think it would be really nice if that would be possible.

I always wanted to write, but told myself that first I need to do a proper course, and I always found an excuse why I couldn't do one. The timing was wrong, the course I found seemed too esoteric for my taste, the price tag, etc. which is a classical example of how stalling keeps you away from following your dreams. Then one thing led to another and I finally signed up for that writers’ course. I went away, all by myself, for five days, to learn how to write. It was the best course I had ever taken, and I got to meet really inspiring people, which I wouldn’t have met if I hadn’t taken that leap out of my comfort zone.

I’ll let you in on a secret too. Most of the others were as nervous and insecure about writing as I was.

Since then, I’ve taken more and more steps towards daring to step outside my comfort zone. I have met and spoken to several brave people, have read books, articles and other blogs and listened to many podcasts on how to dare following your dreams. Here are some of those takeaways that I have learned, which are in fact really easy things, but which will train us to be more courageous:

1. Be a beginner – do something completely new

Everyone starts at the beginning. Even the published authors, famous actors, yoga teachers, specialists, and scientists have all been beginners at one point in time. Dare signing up for that course and do something new. If you’re not yet ready to meet other people while trying your new craft, there are really good tutorials on youtube.

2. Embrace your emotions

Emotions can be short-lived, such as a flash of annoyance at a co-worker, or long-lasting, such as grief over the loss of a loved one. They direct our actions and decisions. As an example, if you’re going to hold a presentation, you might feel a lot of anxiety about your performance. Because of that anxiety, you may be more likely to rehearse your speech. Since you experienced this particular emotion, you were motivated to take action and you were able to hold your speech with much more confidence.

It is easy to get caught up in self-doubt. Saying to yourself, that you wouldn’t be able to do what that other person did. They have more … knowledge, experience, guts, money… We have all been there, finding a good reason why we shouldn’t do something.

In those cases, one thing that usually helps is to try to understand your fear. What are you afraid of? What is is the worst that could happen? That they say no? That they don’t reply at all? That they laugh at you?

If you plan to climb Mount Everest, the worst thing that can happen is obviously a bit more serious than that. But for most of us, climbing the highest mountain is not the dream we pursue. There is a very low risk for most of us of falling down a cliff or freezing to death when being courageous.

Seek out social activities or hobbies that provide you with a sense of happiness, contentment, and excitement. On the other hand, avoid situations that might potentially lead to boredom, sadness, or anxiety.

3. Give someone a compliment

Giving compliments are not only good for the ones who get them, they’re good for the people who give them as well. When you say something nice and give thoughtful praise, it amplifies your self-confidence and nourishes your self-esteem. When you start to look for the good in others, you also start to see the good in yourself. Genuine compliments form powerful bonds between people, but they don’t have to be given face-to-face. We can also do more to create a spirit of positivity in our interactions with people on-line.

Learning how to receive a compliment is almost as important as learning how to give one. Too often, we tend to deflect praise. As you know, it takes confidence to give a compliment, so, don’t devalue the gift by playing it down. Simply say “Thank you.”.

Compliments are not treasures to be hoarded. Their value multiplies with use. Every time you give a genuine compliment it will get easier.

4. Treat yourself to a date

Dare going out all alone to a restaurant, a café or to that book reading where you wanted to go. It may feel awkward in the beginning, but this will surely boost your confidence after a couple of dates. It lets you attend any event you want, ones you might miss if you could only go with your partner or friends. It will also push you to be more sociable, because if you want to talk to someone, you may have to take the first step. You will be able to go to events on your own terms, show up when you’re ready and leave when you want to. You don’t need to consider someone else’s time schedule.

5. Ask someone for help

Asking for help can be really scary and difficult. Sometimes we worry it will make us look weak or incompetent. The truth is that anyone who made it big, didn’t do it alone. World and corporate leaders, olympic athletes, they all had a team of people helping them.

Anyone who thinks you’re weak for asking for help is someone whose opinion you

shouldn’t care about anyways. The people who care about you will want to help if you let them.

Dare to reach out to a friend, colleague, or e.g. a Facebook group asking for help in solving a particular problem that you have. Think how good it feels to help someone else. It feels great! Every time you ask someone for help, you’re giving them a chance to feel good about themselves. Sure, you could try it on your own, but there is a high probability someone else has already tried it before. Reach out, accept the tips, and it could save you both time and headache.

You don’t need to be a hero every day. Let someone else contribute to and save you some time.

6. Decline an invitation

Time is precious. If you don’t feel like going to that dinner party, then don’t. You don’t need anyone’s blessing not to go and you also don’t need to give them a reason for not going.

7. Say yes and ask someone out

Say yes to something you would normally say no to. The biggest life changing moments are when you dare to accept a task that you didn’t think you could do.

Say yes to that invite, or ask someone else out for a coffee, or a walk. Get to know someone new, or something new about someone you already know. But don’t be insulted if they reject. It may just be bad timing, or the person just doesn't feel like it. Which is also ok (see 6).

8. Be kind to yourself

Don’t judge yourself for not being perfect. Nobody is. This means that you shouldn’t hold yourself to impossibly high standards. Don’t compare yourself to others and stop fretting over that mistake you made. Look at it as a pilot, and not a failure. We all learn from our mistakes.

A friend told me that one of the nicest things someone ever said to her (see compliments in 3) was that she was so likeable because she made so many mistakes and then was so sorry about that. I wouldn’t advice everyone to use that compliment, but to her, that made her feel good.

Being kind to yourself means being your own cheerleader. You don’t need others to constantly validate your efforts and boost your self-confidence, because you can do those things for yourself. But don’t be too stubborn and let it hinder you from asking for or accepting help (see 5).

So let’s kick-start your self-esteem. Note down five positive things about yourself. It can be anything, nothing is too big or too small. Go ahead and feel good about yourself!

9. Define your role models

Some people are more fearless than others. Use them as role models. Sit down, think about what you want to achieve, find someone that you can learn from, and you will have a higher possibility of succeeding with your goal. It must not be only one, or someone you can talk to in person. You can also use public people as your role models. We subconsciously copy the people we look up to. Note down what you believe makes your role model courageous, and learn from them.

But don’t forget, they are real, normal humans too, just like the rest of us. Even highly successful role models were beginners once (see 1 above). They have most certainly made mistakes on their rode to success. The only thing that makes them special is that they dared to try.

10. Think of something you’re proud of

You don’t need to find ten or fifteen things you’re proud of. Start with one thing. You’ll see, it changes the way you look at yourself. You’ll become more self-confident, which boosts your bravery!

Remember, this must not be something you excelled at or are even great at.

I for example am very proud of that I dared to take that writers’ course, all on my own. That I have dared to start following my dreams.

Do something you love and you can never fail because at least you have spent your time doing something you really enjoyed. As a dear friend of mine said, “who cares if our books will become best-sellers, we spent an amazing time writing them”. I’d like to add to that, we got to know great people and learn new skills, which we hadn’t done if we hadn’t dared to sign-up for that course, or that accountability group.

Every little challenge that you face makes you stronger, gives you self-confidence to do, say, feel and think what you actually do. It makes you more courageous. You don’t need to be the best to do something, the main difference between people who succeed and those who don't is that at least they tried.

As a last piece of advice. Don’t overthink it! Don’t follow the list above to the letter. Do what feels right to you! The only certain way to fail is not to have tried.